insanity"There is another alternative!" Roxanne exclaimed. "All you have to do is go before the county mental health board and testify against Wyatt and he will be committed involuntarily to a mental institution!"
This suggestion made me mad. I imagined for a moment the long-term consequences of my being the man responsible for Wyatt's involuntary incarceration in a public institution for the insane. How many years might an incurable schizophrenic suffer and brood over such a perceived injustice? In the nest of that confinement what monsters of revenge might hatch?
"The county mental health board?" I said, half shouting, half whining. "Roxanne! I've got to do something now! Wyatt is mad because he didn't get a B from me, no one knows where he is, and he has threatened more than once to kill everyone in this building. At this very minute I have twenty-five new students waiting for me in the very same room and at the very same time that Wyatt's class met! I do not give a damn about Wyatt's grade. It makes no difference to me whatsoever. My new students know absolutely nothing about any of this mess, yet they too may be in jeopardy. I have got to do something right now!"
Written down like this, my words almost resemble a speech, but this is a false impression. My words tumbled out in a rush. I was in a hurry. On this day, with Wyatt who knows where, the very last thing I wanted to be was late to class. Should Wyatt appear and make some kind of scene, bloody or otherwise, I had to be there. I completed the form.
Original grade: C.
New grade: B.
Reason for change?
Intimidation, threats, mental illness, insanity, schizophrenia, personal safety, public safety, indifference, fear, love of family, love of life, miscalculation—a long list of possible responses leapt to mind, both tempting and amusing me, but by mail Wyatt would receive a copy of the completed official form and my purpose was to pacify him. I left the space blank, I think, but I can't remember for sure. I signed my name and pushed the form across the counter top toward Kelly.
"Thank you," I said.
Kelly nodded. Her eyes were as full of questions as they had been when I first walked in. And why not? Though Wyatt now had a B in English instead of a C, Wyatt was unaware of it. I turned and hurried towards the door to the corridor to my class, but just as I was about to exit Roxanne rushed in my direction, her palms turned up and open in the classic gesture of helplessness.
"I'm sorry! I'm sorry!" she exclaimed.
I stopped and turned to look. Her face was a mask of anguish. Its raw sincerity touched me. My indignation evaporated. Too wired to speak, I nodded, and with a curt, dismissive wave I instantly regretted I turned and hurried on. Should my new students be told?
No.
I decided as I walked I'd give the B a chance. I'd wait and see. My room was full. I made my way to the front of the room. From behind my big desk I glanced at the far left rear school desk, Wyatt's old seat. There sat a stranger. I looked at the clock on the wall. Two minutes till. I opened my class folder and prepared to call roll.
"Good morning!" I said.
Wyatt never showed up.
............................................
INSANITY to be continued
This suggestion made me mad. I imagined for a moment the long-term consequences of my being the man responsible for Wyatt's involuntary incarceration in a public institution for the insane. How many years might an incurable schizophrenic suffer and brood over such a perceived injustice? In the nest of that confinement what monsters of revenge might hatch?
"The county mental health board?" I said, half shouting, half whining. "Roxanne! I've got to do something now! Wyatt is mad because he didn't get a B from me, no one knows where he is, and he has threatened more than once to kill everyone in this building. At this very minute I have twenty-five new students waiting for me in the very same room and at the very same time that Wyatt's class met! I do not give a damn about Wyatt's grade. It makes no difference to me whatsoever. My new students know absolutely nothing about any of this mess, yet they too may be in jeopardy. I have got to do something right now!"
Written down like this, my words almost resemble a speech, but this is a false impression. My words tumbled out in a rush. I was in a hurry. On this day, with Wyatt who knows where, the very last thing I wanted to be was late to class. Should Wyatt appear and make some kind of scene, bloody or otherwise, I had to be there. I completed the form.
Original grade: C.
New grade: B.
Reason for change?
Intimidation, threats, mental illness, insanity, schizophrenia, personal safety, public safety, indifference, fear, love of family, love of life, miscalculation—a long list of possible responses leapt to mind, both tempting and amusing me, but by mail Wyatt would receive a copy of the completed official form and my purpose was to pacify him. I left the space blank, I think, but I can't remember for sure. I signed my name and pushed the form across the counter top toward Kelly.
"Thank you," I said.
Kelly nodded. Her eyes were as full of questions as they had been when I first walked in. And why not? Though Wyatt now had a B in English instead of a C, Wyatt was unaware of it. I turned and hurried towards the door to the corridor to my class, but just as I was about to exit Roxanne rushed in my direction, her palms turned up and open in the classic gesture of helplessness.
"I'm sorry! I'm sorry!" she exclaimed.
I stopped and turned to look. Her face was a mask of anguish. Its raw sincerity touched me. My indignation evaporated. Too wired to speak, I nodded, and with a curt, dismissive wave I instantly regretted I turned and hurried on. Should my new students be told?
No.
I decided as I walked I'd give the B a chance. I'd wait and see. My room was full. I made my way to the front of the room. From behind my big desk I glanced at the far left rear school desk, Wyatt's old seat. There sat a stranger. I looked at the clock on the wall. Two minutes till. I opened my class folder and prepared to call roll.
"Good morning!" I said.
Wyatt never showed up.
............................................
INSANITY to be continued
