For having the wrong thoughts, the wrong doubts, the "wrong" belief, "believers" told me; and those with the "right" belief, the "right" thoughts, would be happy forever in "heaven" knowing of the eternal torment of the billions in Hell? Or, if those in heaven did not know of this terrible suffering of others, would, could, such ignorance constitute the promised bliss? To be ignorant of billions tortured in Hell? This was the vision of the "divine" Jesus? This was the reality of a "god"? This was "perfect" justice? Alas, I could not make sense of such a religion. Nor could I do as my Christian friends advised and simply surrender the effort to make sense of it all, abandon logic and reason, and just embrace the absurdity of their "organized" religion and "believe."