baby buddha bird and bob8:45 a.m. Thu. June 11, 2009. Leo drank his mother's milk, burped, peed, smiled, cooed, babbled, pooped, played, slept, stirred, stretched, grunted, woke, and smiled yesterday morning and then did it all over again twice more before his mother got home from work at five. At one thirty he chugged six ounces.
A new record!
In the afternoon while Leo slept I sat zazen for forty minutes on my cushion right beside him. First I bowed three times, full prostrations in his direction, each time kneeling and pressing my forehead to the soft, beige carpet, once in honor of the preciousness of all life, once in humility—of the big questions I know nothing—and in surrender, once in honor of the master and all who devote their lives to the way.
Then on my zafu I folded my legs into the half lotus, rested my hands in my lap, and followed my breath till my timer beeped forty minutes later and I began my chant of repentance.
"All my past and harmful karma, born from beginningless greed, hate, and delusion through body, speech, and mind, I now fully avow."
Though I tried to chant softly so as not to wake Leo at the first sound of my voice he woke with a start and a kick and threw both of his arms up in the air in a jerk and his two big blue eyes popped open wide.
What!
I had to laugh.
I continued my chant, the repentance two more times, the refuges three times, the vow of the bodhisattva three times, and finally the merit verse and the eko.
"All buddhas throughout space and time, all honored ones, bodhisattvas, mahasattvas, wisdom beyond wisdom, mahaprajna paramita."
Throughout the five minutes it took me to recite these chants Leo never took his gaze off of me, staring with lifted eyebrows and wrinkled brow and wide eyes twinkling and three or four times first smiling at me and then with his little pink tongue peeking out between his lips breaking into his inimitable and dear toothless goofy grin.
Each time I couldn't help but laugh out loud as I chanted. Then just as I finished the last chant Leo laughed.
I felt within me the sad sudden flood of love.
When his mother came home and took over his care at five I took my kinhin east on the jogging and biking trail. In eighty minutes and five miles I met only a dozen other walkers, joggers, or bikers, all of them strangers to me, and we acknowledged one another with only the slightest gesture of greeting, with a nod, with just the hint of a wave, or with a single syllable.
"Lo."
"Hi."
Birds announced my coming in ripples and waves of melody and song the whole long way and though I couldn't see them in the tall grass and tall white flowering weeds and trees at the lush green sides of my pebbled path so white and gray I recognized the cheep and chirp of robins and the call call and warble of cardinals and the call and ring and trill of redwing blackbirds.
Now Leo sleeps.
A new record!
In the afternoon while Leo slept I sat zazen for forty minutes on my cushion right beside him. First I bowed three times, full prostrations in his direction, each time kneeling and pressing my forehead to the soft, beige carpet, once in honor of the preciousness of all life, once in humility—of the big questions I know nothing—and in surrender, once in honor of the master and all who devote their lives to the way.
Then on my zafu I folded my legs into the half lotus, rested my hands in my lap, and followed my breath till my timer beeped forty minutes later and I began my chant of repentance.
"All my past and harmful karma, born from beginningless greed, hate, and delusion through body, speech, and mind, I now fully avow."
Though I tried to chant softly so as not to wake Leo at the first sound of my voice he woke with a start and a kick and threw both of his arms up in the air in a jerk and his two big blue eyes popped open wide.
What!
I had to laugh.
I continued my chant, the repentance two more times, the refuges three times, the vow of the bodhisattva three times, and finally the merit verse and the eko.
"All buddhas throughout space and time, all honored ones, bodhisattvas, mahasattvas, wisdom beyond wisdom, mahaprajna paramita."
Throughout the five minutes it took me to recite these chants Leo never took his gaze off of me, staring with lifted eyebrows and wrinkled brow and wide eyes twinkling and three or four times first smiling at me and then with his little pink tongue peeking out between his lips breaking into his inimitable and dear toothless goofy grin.
Each time I couldn't help but laugh out loud as I chanted. Then just as I finished the last chant Leo laughed.
I felt within me the sad sudden flood of love.
When his mother came home and took over his care at five I took my kinhin east on the jogging and biking trail. In eighty minutes and five miles I met only a dozen other walkers, joggers, or bikers, all of them strangers to me, and we acknowledged one another with only the slightest gesture of greeting, with a nod, with just the hint of a wave, or with a single syllable.
"Lo."
"Hi."
Birds announced my coming in ripples and waves of melody and song the whole long way and though I couldn't see them in the tall grass and tall white flowering weeds and trees at the lush green sides of my pebbled path so white and gray I recognized the cheep and chirp of robins and the call call and warble of cardinals and the call and ring and trill of redwing blackbirds.
Now Leo sleeps.
